Final Year
Salaams ..
Final year *sigh *sigh*
Ive been cooped up in my room, not healthy that.
Staring..well..not all the time, sifting and reading through mounds and mounds of papers.
7 deadly sins, history of greed, yep yep..Aristotlelian Christianism..say whayytt?
iatah bah..hmm..interesting though. medieval Christian theology. Just enough for me to yes for my essay.
but but
my heart is breaking
how i am yearning to return
to that sunny spot
where i can rock gently in my rocking chair
and just gaze out into the soft blue horizon
with streaks of white
and hear the morning birds, the flutter of their wings
then a few hours later..bapa cutting grass
but serene, my heart so serene.
how i miss that.
and where i can just go to the masjid every prayer time
praying in a jemaah
and then sitting after
just reciting, reading
within that beautiful space
just me, the silence and Allah
but here..what has happened to me?
my heart is breaking
and i am looking
looking for what
like grappling in the dark
inchoate
and waiting with my breaking heart
streaked with pain
dont get me started on Tarim
Oh Tarim! Tarim Ahlaha!
Tarim…
how i have betrayed myself
the Muslimah I became there
what a loss!
How I miss it..all of it
the adhkar before and after fajr
the strong sun
that sweet, deep, soft silence in the morning
when i sit under the shade of the tree near the mussolla
the students and their sincere pure hearts
